A little bit of a departure over my typical posts this week in light of recent personal experiences…
Over the past 10 plus years that I have been working professionally, I have taken notice of some things… certain traits the most successful people I’ve been around seemed to share. My observation over these years is this:
Treating each other with courtesy and respect is a key trait of successful people
This is a trait that requires absolutely no skills, other than listening and caring. I think we all can agree that both skills should be well within our capabilities. What makes this trait so powerful?
It’s the best way to motivate those around you.
Quick Personal Story
One evening earlier this week I had come home after a long day at work. My group is short handed this week due to vacations from several employees. Our group’s workload this week is also very high… not a great combo. Not gonna lie, I’ve been a bit stressed this week…
This may, or my not have been me on, or about, Tuesday this week.
Anyways, I’d already put in 10 and a half hours and had just sat down to eat dinner with my family. One of the company’s owners calls and asks if I could jump on a conference call ASAP to discuss a very complex issue, with little to no info, and cover cost implications. (sidebar… WTF?)
I mentioned that I was eating dinner with my family and asked if I could have a few minutes to wrap up and get on the call. Seemed a reasonable request since this was well after office hours, right? He, in turn, got a bit huffy and pushy. “Well I guess I can wait”. Like I was really putting him out on this.
After turning in more than a full day of work and agreeing to cut short my family meal, how do you think his demeanor made me feel? You think I wanted to go the extra mile in this conference call? You think I want to work with this dude again?
What I am trying to show here is that rude treatment is a demotivator. Had the conversation gone like this: “Hey, I’m sorry to call you so late, but I really need your help. Sure, take a few minutes and give me call when you get a chance. I appreciate your help.” That’s a world of difference. Now I want to help!
Success in Business is About Your People
In the business world, whether you work for a giant multi-national company, or are an independent consultant, you rely on the relationships you build with your co-workers, supervisors, and clients. The difference between being average and great almost always comes down to finding someone who is willing to work harder or longer, and then finding a way to hold on to them.
You can produce extra effort from others in two ways:
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Intimidation
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Respect
Let’s look at these closer.
Intimidation – this can surely spur extra effort. Threaten someone’s job, and they may have little choice but to comply… this time. It requires less effort to pull this measure off compared with using respect. One only needs to be superior in rank to demand action. But do you really think you can keep going to the intimidation well? How sustainable is that?
Respect – requires quite a bit of effort. You need to listen to the other person and be sympathetic, when you can. This is not something that can be developed overnight. Think of it as making a withdrawal from a savings account that you’ve been making periodic deposits of good will by listening, being understanding and flexible when possible. But if the other party think you have their back then they are going to be more willing to do a little more.
If you are consistently using intimidation to get results you erode away any personal relationship you have with the person on the business end of the intimidation. Over time, this person will become hesitant to give extra effort and will become receptive to outside job offers. If you lose a valued employee, you also lose their “tribal knowledge” of your business and clients… hard to put costs to this, but it can be very high. And possibly very damaging, if the employee is lost to a competitor.
Now, I understand that if you have an under performing employee or consultant, they may need some tough love. There are no absolutes in this world. But, given the option to work with a tone deaf, uncaring individual, or someone you believe cares about you, what choice would you make?
Treat your consultant with courtesy… it pays.
As a consultant (which I am), you work on many projects at the same time. Clients want your best product, at the lowest cost, and in the shortest amount of time. When we put estimated timelines in proposals the clients nearly always come back and ask if we turn our reports around faster. So a juggling act is required to try to keep as many clients happy as possible.
You, the consultant, get to decide who gets the most prompt attention. A big factor in making that decision is how the client treats you and respects your work. Now a screaming client may get their way once, but this act quickly becomes old. Promptness and quality on subsequent work may fall off. In some cases, consulting fees may increase due to the added hassle of working with a problematic client. Certain requests that may otherwise be written off may be billed instead. These are examples of up front costs to being a jerk.
The impacts on the back end can be much greater… Schedule delays from late reports, or unimaginative recommendations may cost the client dearly (easily several times the consulting contract fee in my line of work) or kill projects entirely. That’s a helluva price for being unpleasant.
Being Courteous is Even More Important in Personal Relationships
This doesn’t just apply to the business world. In our everyday lives we rely on the relationships with your family, friends, and neighbors… perhaps more so than at work. Being courteous is an easy way to invest in your personal relationships. If you are consistently unkind you may find yourself friendless or sleeping on the couch.
Let’s take for example interactions with your next door neighbor. Say you’ve been courteous to your neighbor by being friendly, picking up trash, and keeping your property in good shape. Now you are going on vacation and you would like them to keep a watch on your house or take in your trash… wouldn’t they be more inclined to help you out based on your kind and friendly demeanor? If you’ve been ignoring them or letting your trash blow into their yard, do you think they want to help you?
Easy Ways to Show Courtesy to Others
- Open doors for others – old fashioned, but powerful
- Smile and say Hi
- Ask someone about something you know they care about or is on their mind
- Don’t talk over them or push your advice when they come to you to talk through something – just listen and give advice only when asked
- Recognize and acknowledge when someone goes above and beyond, or when they’ve been especially helpful
- Consider their point of view (put yourself in their shoes)
- Clean up your mess.
- Don’t speak down to others – everyone has value, and if you think you are better than others then you’ve got bigger problems
I think common courtesy is just common sense. But my daily experiences paint a different picture. It seems courtesy is the exception to the norm these days. It’s also clear to me that successful people generally see the value in it and practice it. Even if being courteous didn’t pay off, what’s the downside? Can’t we all just get along!
What do you think? Have any examples of how you’ve benefited from being courteous?
Thanks for reading.